BEGINNING WITH HIM
August, 2002 Edition
TABLE OF CONTENTS FOR TODAY’S MESSAGE:
[THE REASON FOR CHILDREN!]
[GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED]
[GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED]
[GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD]
[THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE]
[TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HIGHWAY SAFETY]
[36 WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS]
[POLL QUESTION]
* * *
Considering its summer, at least in the North Hemisphere, and with
children are home from school, I thought I would send you some ‘kids
stuff’ (and life in general stuff) to bring a smile to your face.
— doug
* * *
THE REASON FOR CHILDREN!
To those of us who have children in our lives,whether they are our own,
grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students…here is something to make
you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort in the
thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first
thing he said was “DON’T!”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve…we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!”
“No Way!”
“Yes, way!”
“Do NOT eat the fruit!” said God.
“Why?”
“…Because I am your Father and I said so!” God replied, wondering why
He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He
Was ticked!
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked.
“Uh huh,” Adam replied.
“Then why did you?” said the Father.
“I don’t know,” said Eve.
“She started it!” Adam said.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“DID NOT!”
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and
Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
But there is reassurance in the story!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and
they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble
raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for
you?
* * *
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
* * *
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
joy.
* * *
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re
down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
* * *
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
* * *
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HIGHWAY SAFETY
I. Thou Shalt Not Murder By Motor
II. Thou Shalt Not Mix Alcohol With Gasoline
III. Thou Shalt Not Exceed The Speed Limit
IV. Thou Shalt Not Follow Too Closely
V. Thou Shalt Not Weave From Lane To Lane
VI. Thou Shalt Not Fail To Signal
VII. Thou Shalt Not Lose Thy Temper
VIII. Thou Shalt Be Courteous To Thy Fellow Motorists
IX. Thou Shalt Favor The Pedestrian & Bicyclist
X. Honor Traffic Laws That Thy Days May Be Long
* * *
36 WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS
1. Pray.
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No, to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that
will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too
many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over
time; don’t lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find
out what God would have you to do and let go of the anxiety. If you
can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don’t use credit cards for ordinary
purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key
buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.,
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut.) This single piece of advice can prevent an
enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough exercise.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of
life.
21. Write thoughts and inspirations down.
22. Everyday, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems
in the bud. Don’t wait until its time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often
a good “Thank you Jesus!”
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they
can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the
universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you’re grateful for that
you’ve never been grateful for before.
* * *
POLL QUESTIONS
The results of the last month’s poll question can viewed at
https://www.emailministry.org/poll.asp. Here is this month’s poll
question (Go the web site at: https://www.emailministry.org/poll.asp
register your vote!! Please do NOT send me an e-mail with your vote!)
Q: Should “Under God” be in the Pledge of Allegiance?
* * *
Well, that pretty much wraps it up for this month. I pray this message
finds you growing in the understanding of how much God loves you.
— doug
Founder, Editor, Webmaster & ‘Chief Bottle Washer’ of E-Mail Ministry