Beginning With Him – May, 2008


A note from doug:
From time to time, at the beginning of the month, I like to send out a compilation message of various items I…ve accumulated over time. So, here goes…

* * *

When I say good morning I mean to say:
G od
O ffers us His
O utstanding
D evotion to
M ake us
O bedient &
R eady for a
N ew day with Him.
I nspire others please, and
N ever forget
G od loves you!

— Author Unknown

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YOU SAY: ‘It’s impossible’
GOD SAYS: All things are possible
BIBLE VERSES: Luke 18:27

YOU SAY: ‘I’m too tired’
GOD SAYS: I will give you rest
BIBLE VERSES: Matthew 11:28-30

YOU SAY: ‘Nobody really loves me’
GOD SAYS: I love you
BIBLE VERSES: John 3:1 6 & John 3:34

YOU SAY: ‘I can’t go on’
GOD SAYS: My grace is sufficient
BIBLE VERSES: II Corinthians 12:9 , Psalm 91:15

YOU SAY: ‘I can’t figure things out’
GOD SAYS: I will direct your steps
BIBLE VERSES: Proverbs 3:5- 6

YOU SAY: ‘I can’t do it’
GOD SAYS: You can do all things
BIBLE VERSES: Philippians 4:13

YOU SAY: ‘I’m not able’
GOD SAYS: I am able
BIBLE VERSES: II Corinthians 9:8

YOU SAY: ‘It’s not worth it’
GOD SAYS: It will be worth it
BIBLE VERSES: Roman 8:28

YOU SAY: ‘I can’t forgive myself’
GOD SAYS: I Forgive you
BIBLE VERSES: I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1

YOU SAY: ‘I can’t manage’
GOD SAYS: I will supply all your needs
BIBLE VERSES: Philippians 4:19

YOU SAY: ‘I’m afraid’
GOD SAYS: I have not given you a spirit of fear
BIBLE VERSES: II Timothy 1:7

YOU SAY: ‘I’m always worried and frustrated’
GOD SAYS: Cast all your cares on ME

YOU SAY: ‘I’m not smart enough’
GOD SAYS: I give you wisdom
BIBLE VERSES: I Corinthians 1:30

YOU SAY: ‘I feel all alone’
GOD SAYS: I will never leave you or forsake you
BIBLE VERSES: Hebrews 13:5

— Author Unknown

* * *

I have just deposited love and blessings into your bank account.

And the best part is, it will cost you nothing.

I ask that you just use it in abundance.

Your PIN number is J-E-S-U-S

…… IMPORTANT NOTICE…… If you lose your PIN, you lose everything

Make a deposit in someone else…s bank account today!!

May your troubles be less, your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door.

— Author Unknown

* * *

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one.” [but I think He must be a lot older than that!] Anyway, God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. [Not sure what they were driven in, though, because they didn’t have cars.]

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff. [Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more] Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. [We are told he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.] After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. [I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say, “As a matter of fact, I was.”] During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great Man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

— Author Unknown

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One aspect of the E-Mail Ministry which has not gotten as much attention lately is the E-Mail Ministry website. In addition to the message archives, the website has other services as well.

You can go to the E-Mail Ministry website ( and select from the list on the left hand menu. You can add to the web site by following the information on the top of each respective page.

Here is a list of some of the other services. Feel free to add your own items as you desire.
* Prayer Request – One of the more popular features of the E-Mail Ministry web site is the Prayer Request web page
* Christian Web Sites – Web links are grouped by category to make it easier for you to find something of interest.
* Guestbook … Post your comments about E-Mail Ministry and how God has touched your life through it.
* Message Archives … Read any message that you missed. Messages are grouped by category. You can also e-mail any message to yourself.
* Favorite Verses … List of favorite Bible verses and how they impacted your life.
* Testimonials … How has God touched your life

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From time to time I have subscribers ask if they can use the E-Mail Ministry messages for other purposes.

As always, feel free to send these messages on to others as the Lord leads you. I respectfully request that when you forward the messages on, please leave the ‘header’ and ‘footer’ information in place so that others may know about this ministry and how to subscribe.

Also, feel free to use these messages in your church bulletins, sermons, bible studies, etc.

If you do use the messages, please put “Message distributed by E-Mail Ministry (” at the bottom of any material you use. By doing this, more people will become aware of this ministry.

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I respectfully request that you do NOT add me to your social networking site. I do not have the time to do the social networking thing. I appreciate you thinking of me, but please do not send me an invitation to join your network(s). Thank you.

I also ask that you do not unilaterally sign me up for your or other ministries. E-Mail Ministry only accepts voluntary subscriptions and I respectfully request you do not volunteer me for other ministries.


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I hope you liked the selections!!

— doug

— The Staff of E-Mail Ministry

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